Cry Me a River
by Lupin'sChic
Summary: Many twists and turns occur in the life of Nymphadora Tonks. Some for the good and some for the bad. But will there be a happily ever after waiting for her at the end?
1. Dream and a Bowl of Eggs

**A/N:** Hey everyone! This is like my thousanth Remus and Tonks fic. I'm exaggerating of course! Hope you all enjoy it! Also, just like on my others, this story has been posted on another site. So if you've stumbled across it before, it's not plaigarized.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters. If you come across one that wasn't mentioned in the books, then it's mine.  
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The cool morning breeze blew through the open window. The white linen curtains ruffled slightly at it's touch. At the other end of the room was a bed with a white embroidered blanket draped over a sleeping figure.  
  
It was a young woman, about 25 or so. She had long wavy, dark brown hair and creamy skin. Her saphire eyes lay under her eye lids as she slept.  
  
The breeze from the window flew over to her and licked her smooth face. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake up.  
  
There was movement downstairs. The other occupants of the house were up and about, but the woman stayed asleep.  
  
Footsteps were heard on the stairs. There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Tonks, dear," came a motherly voice, "you need to be getting up. Breakfast is ready."  
  
The woman, obviously named Tonks, groaned.  
  
_Why does Molly have to wake me up now?_ she thought grumpily.  
  
She was having the most amazing dream.  
  
"Tonks?" Molly called again.  
  
"I'm getting up," said Tonks stretching.  
  
She wanted to go back to sleep so badly. She wanted to dream that dream again. It was so wonderful.  
  
Tonks sat up and thought about her amazing dream some more. It had a certain someone in it, the most wonderful someone Tonks had ever met.  
  
She remembered in her dream the way his hands felt when they moved their way across her body and the way his lips felt against her bare skin.  
  
She closed her eyes and sighed. She knew she wouldn't ever feel any of that in real life, but to dream about it was Heaven.  
  
Tonks stood up to get changed but tripped over her tennis shoes that were on the floor. She caught herself before she hit the ground. She sighed in frustration and walked over to her wardrobe.  
  
Tonks had always been a clumsy girl and everyone new it. After the tenth plate she had broken, the fifth time she had tripped, and the one time she had stepped on Bill Weasley's foot, they all knew that was who she was and that it wasn't some phase.  
  
_I wish I wasn't so clumsy_, Tonks thought miserably as she buttoned her jeans. _Especially in front of him._  
  
Tonks sighed as she thought again about the man in her dream.  
  
She couldn't believe she had actually met someone so wonderful, intelligent, and kind all at once. But Tonks would never admit to anyone, not even Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley, that she felt this way about him. She didn't want anyone to know.  
  
Tonks put on a white tank top and her white tennis shoes. She scrunched up her nose. Her hair went from long, dark brown to short, spikey and pink. She opened her eyes and they were a pale lavender.  
  
After checking herself in the mirror, Tonks opened her bedroom door and made her way downstairs. She stumbled on a few steps but got her balance by holding onto the banister.  
  
As she entered the kitchen, she smelled eggs fying in a pan. There was bacon, toast, and pancakes already on the table.  
  
Tonks breathed in all the wonderful smells and smiled. She walked over to Molly who was piling scrambled eggs into a bowl over by the stove.  
  
"Do you need help with anything?" Tonks asked brightly. Breakfast always put her in a good mood. It was her favorite meal of the day.  
  
"Actually yes, Tonks dear," said Molly. She handed Tonks the bowl of eggs. "Take these and set them on the table please. And do try to be careful."  
  
Tonks took the bowl and walked slowly to the table.  
  
_I'm not going to trip_, she thought. _I'm not going to trip._  
  
But she thought too soon. Just then Tonks stumbled over someone's chair. She didn't fall, but she felt the bowl of eggs slipping from her hands.  
  
Out of nowhere, someone reached out and grabbed the bowl before it fell.  
  
"Thanks," said Tonks. "I hate being so darn clumsy all the time!"  
  
"It's ok, Nymphadora. The eggs are safe."  
  
Tonks' heart stopped. She knew that sweet, smooth voice. She looked up and met the eyes of _him_.

**A/N: **You know what to do! Review!


	2. Girly Sensations

**A/N: **Thanks for all of your reviews! Yes, the first chapter was a little short so hopefully this one will be longer.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Sigh.  
  
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Tonks felt butterflies in her stomach. Her heart fluttered. His honey eyes were tired looking, yet they held some sort of charm. His light brown hair had flecks of grey in it and he had a few laugh lines. But all of that was what Tonks loved about him.  
  
"Um, Nymphadora? Are you alright?" He looked at her questionly. Tonks snapped out of it.  
  
"Oh, yes. Thank you, Remus. And please call me Tonks." She scowled at him, trying to act like her old self. Remus Lupin smiled.  
  
"I'll try to remember that."  
  
He set the eggs on the table and sat down. Tonks sat down next to him, feeling her girly sensations coming again.  
  
_There's no reason to be acting like that_, she scolded herself. _You've sat by Remus before_. And those were the most wonderful times of her life.  
  
Breakfast began and Tonks noticed who all were missing.  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were gone because of school. Snape never ate with them, which was a blessing, Tonks thought. Other than that, everyone else was there. Well, except one person.  
  
Tonks hated thinking about it and spent most of her time trying to throw it out of her mind. But the death of her cousin, Sirius Black, still came to her.  
  
It had only happened three months ago, but it seemed so much longer than that. Tonks pushed the thought of Sirius out of the way.  
  
After breakfast there was an Order meeting. Dumbledore came by to fill them all in on what was happening and what needed to be done. Tonks found herself next to Remus again. She sighed happily. Then someone whispered in her ear, making her jump a little.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Tonks turned and saw that it was Remus. He was leaning in a little too closely, Tonks thought, but she couldn't deny that she liked it.  
  
"I'm fine, Remus," she said, trying to control herself from kissing him right then and there. "What makes you think I'm not?"  
  
"You've just been acting strangely since breakfast," he said, leaning back in his chair.  
  
"Oh, so you've been watching me?" Tonks said sarcastically. But before Remus could reply, Dumbledore cleared his throat. Everyone quieted down.  
  
"As we begin the meeting," he said, "I must tell you all the recent news. Since the Dementors have left Azkaban, there was a breakout not too long ago. Among one of the leaders was Lucius Malfoy. For the past several hours, I've had Severus (he gestured toward Snape) keep a close watch on them and get as much information as possible."  
  
Tonks always thought these meetings were boring. She tried to pay attention, but it was hard.  
  
Dumbledore told them where the Deatheaters were last seen and where they might be found again. Tonks didn't pay much attention until she heard her own name mentioned.  
  
"I have decided to have Tonks, Kingsley, Mad-Eye, and Remus go investigate this evening. It will only be for a few hours. I don't expect you'll find much, but just in case. Meeting adjourned."  
  
Tonks felt like jumping up and down, as she always did when she was grouped with Remus. She couldn't wait until this evening. But until then, she would have to make it through the afternoon.

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During the hours leading up to that night's Order duty, Tonks was bored. Since Ginny and Hermione weren't there, she didn't have anyone to talk to.  
  
She wandered down stairs and into the sitting room. No one was in there except for Remus.  
  
Tonks smiled and watched him for a while. He was sitting at one end of the couch reading a thick book. His face was very tired looking, but his eyes were alive as they moved across the pages, taking in all the words.  
  
Just by looking at him she could tell he was stressed. His brow was furrowed and he looked as if he would collapse if he stood up.  
  
Tonks crossed the room quietly to where Remus was. He didn't look up. She sat down next to him.  
  
"Good afternoon, Nymphadora," Remus said, his eyes still on the book.  
  
"I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to act like that," said Tonks.  
  
Remus looked up. She couldn't help but notice through all the tiredness just how warm his eyes were. Remus' lips curved into a small smile.  
  
"Good afternoon, Tonks," he said. Tonks smiled back.  
  
"Wotcher, Remus. What are you reading?"  
  
Remus looked down at the book in his hands.  
  
"It's about Medieval wizards and their early discoveries of magic. It's quiete interesting."  
  
"Interesting?" Tonks laughed a little. "I'm sorry but I don't find the early discoveries of magic interesting."  
  
"Well that just shows how different we really are," said Remus turning back to his book.  
  
Tonks didn't really like the sound of that. She always thought when two people fall in love, they should at least have some of the same interests so they would get along easier. She thought his statement made it seem like there was no chance for them at all.  
  
"Is that a bad thing?" Tonks asked, looking over at him. Remus looked up at her and she saw him smile slightly.  
  
"No," he said. "It's a good thing. If everyone in the world was the same then it would be boring. Everyone is different from one another. You can't get two people in a room who's exactly the same. It's just impossible."  
  
Tonks smiled and turned her gaze to the window. She thought about how right Remus was.  
  
"It's kind of the same in relationships," Remus continued.  
  
Tonks quickly looked back at him. She could feel her face growing hot.  
  
"Relationships?" she said.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, it's nice if two people who are in a relationship, dating or marriage wise, share the same interests. But I believe if the two people are different, they end up balancing their relationship and get along just fine. Though, it's not the case all the time."  
  
He turned back to his book as Tonks smiled.  
  
_There's hope!_ she thought

**A/N:** You know what to do! Sorry, but it seems like this was the same length as the first chapter. I promise that there will definately be longer chapters in the future.


	3. Not a Waste of Time

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. It seems that many of you want long chapters. I find this really hard to do, since it's already written and typed out. I'll have to end up putting chapters together to make it longer, which I really don't want to do because it makes the story move way too fast. Moving it fast makes certain parts of the story that are coming up seem not as anticipated as they should. I'm not trying to sound mean or anything. I understand how you all feel. Everyone loves long chapters, even me, but sometimes it's hard to do when the story's already written. I'll try my best, though, and try to make them long! =)

Disclamer: Don't own.  
  
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That evening, Dumbledore came by to tell Mad-Eye, Kingsley, Remus, and Tonks exactly what they would be doing.  
  
"A few Deatheaters have been spotted near a fancy muggle restaurant in London," he said. "We're still not completely sure if they're still around there, but we still need to inspect. You four are to go there tonight. Mad-Eye and Kingsley, you two are to station yourselves around the building."  
  
Mad-Eye and Kingsley nodded. Dumbledore turned to Remus and Tonks.  
  
"You two are going to pose as a couple. Act like you are just going there for dinner, but be on the look-out. They've also been seen inside. This way we'll have full coverage. Now, you all need to get ready. You'll leave in exactly 10 minutes."  
  
Tonks went up to her room to change. She was excited at being a "couple" with Remus. She changed into the dress that Dumbledore had brought for her, along with Remus' suit.  
  
Her dress fell past her ankles. It was light green with spaghetti straps. The back had straps criss-crossing one another. She wore heels the same color as her dress and changed her hair to a curly blonde. She put it up in a bun with a few curls hanging down.  
  
Tonks looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't like wearing dresses, but she had to admit that she looked pretty. She turned away and went downstairs.  
  
Remus, Mad-Eye, and Kingsley were already downstairs when Tonks arrived. They all looked at her in amazement. Tonks noticed how Remus' eyes widened when he saw her.  
  
"Wow," he said softly as she walked up to him. "You look really lovely, Nymphadora."  
  
"Thanks," said Tonks. She didn't say anything about him calling her by her first name. At that moment she was starting to appreciate it.  
  
"You look really nice, too." Tonks eyed him up and down. She was too busy looking at Remus to notice Mad-Eye exchanging looks with Kingsley.  
  
"Thank you," said Remus smiling.  
  
"Uh-hem!" Mad-Eye cleared his throat. "When you two are done googling at each other, we need to be leaving."  
  
Kingsley sniggered and Remus blushed. They walked outside into the cool night air and Apparated to the restaurant. They appeared just around the corner, out of sight of any Muggles.  
  
"Ok," said Mad-Eye quietly, "Kingsley, you take the back and I'll take the front. Make sure you keep an eye on every little thing. You never know."  
  
"How long do you think this will take?" asked Kingsley.  
  
"Until Remus and Tonks come out." Mad-Eye turned to them. "Make sure you two are in there for at least an hour and a half. That should be enough time. We might not find much, like Dumbledore said."  
  
"Ok," said Remus. He turned to Tonks. "Ready to go, Miss Tonks?" He stuck his arm out for her to take. She slipped her arm around his and smiled.  
  
"All ready, Mr. Lupin."  
They walked around the corner to the front doors. When they walked inside, Tonks saw a giant room with tables scattered all over the place. In the middle of the room on the ceiling hung a giant chandelier. The room was beautiful, Tonks thought and she stood there amazed.  
  
A waiter showed them to a table. When they got there, Remus pulled out Tonks' chair for her.  
  
_He's such a gentleman_, she thought as she sat down. She smiled at him. Remus smiled back as he sat.  
  
After they ordered their food, they looked around the place a bit.  
  
"Well, nothing unusual so far," said Tonks turning back to Remus.  
  
"Not yet anyway," he said.  
  
They were quiet for awhile. Tonks was searching around in her mind, trying to think of something to say.  
  
"I hate it when it's quiet," she said. "I can never think of anything to say."  
  
Remus smiled. "Me too."  
  
Tonks loved it when he smiled, but wished he wouldn't. It was so tantalizing.  
  
Their food arrived and they ate in silence, glancing around from time to time to see if there were any signs of Deatheaters.  
  
Tonks would sneak some glances in Remus' direction a few times. The last time she did this she caught him looking at her as well.  
  
"What?" Tonks said, blushing a little.  
  
"Nothing," said Remus still gazing at her. "You really do look beautiful tonight, Nymphadora. I think this is the first time I've ever seen you all dressed up."  
  
Tonks smiled. "Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself, you know."  
  
Remus chuckled a little.  
  
"I think you've been morphing your eyes too many times. They're messed up now."  
  
Tonks laughed. "No, I'm being serious."  
  
He smiled.  
  
Half an hour later, they decided to leave. They hadn't found any signs of a Deatheater, just like Dumbledore had said. They paid for their food and walked outside.  
  
"Sorry if I was so boring," said Tonks turning to Remus. "I'm really not that good with conversations."  
  
"You're not boring," he said. "I found your company quite enjoyable."  
  
Tonks looked over by the edge of the building and saw Kingsley.  
  
"Hey, there's Kingsley," she said. "I suppose him and Mad-Eye didn't find anything either."  
  
She looked back up at Remus and found him staring straight ahead at the doors of the restaurant.  
  
"What is it?" Tonks asked.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy," Remus whispered.  
  
Tonks turned around just enough were she could see. Yes, it was him. The slick blonde hair and smug expression couldn't possibly belong to anyone but a Malfoy.  
  
Tonks saw the bushes stir, meaning that Mad-Eye had spotted him too. Kingsley was coming around the corner. They were both going to get him.  
  
"We need to do something while Mad-Eye and Kingsley close in on him so he doesn't suspect us," said Remus.  
  
"Like what?" said Tonks.  
  
Lucius turned around and looked right at him. A look of knowing played across his face and he started reaching for his wand.  
  
"What do we do?" Tonks asked, starting to panic.  
  
"Kiss me," Remus said suddenly.  
  
"What? What does-" Tonks was cut off by Remus' lips pressing against hers. It was light and his lips were soft. She felt like fainting. But all too soon, Remus slowly pulled away. They stared into each other's eyes. Tonks wanted to lean in and kiss him again, but Mad-Eye's voice cut into her thoughts.  
  
"We got him!" he called. Remus and Tonks looked over and saw Lucius being dragged off by the Magical Law Enforcement from the Ministry of Magic. Mad-Eye had called for them and they arrived in an instant.  
  
After Lucius Malfoy had been taken away, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, Remus, and Tonks Apparated back to 12 Grimmauld Place.  
  
"Too bad we only got one of them," Mad-Eye growled. Kingsley rolled his eyes and shook his head as he walked inside. "Kind of a waste of time if you ask me."  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said Remus. Tonks saw him smile as he too walked inside. She stood there for a moment, thinking about what Remus had said. A smile crept across her face and she followed the others inside.  
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That night, Tonks had trouble falling asleep. All she could think about was Remus and the kiss.  
  
_But it didn't mean anything_, she thought. _It was only a distraction_  
  
Tonks sighed. She got out of bed and decided to go get a drink in the kitchen.  
  
The hallway was dark and the floor creeked slightly under her feet. She walked quietly so she wouldn't wake anyone.  
  
"Tonks?"  
  
Tonks stopped. Someone called her name from the nearest room. She turned and saw a door was open. She had recognized the voice. It was Remus.  
  
"Oh, hi Remus," she said.  
  
"Why are you up so late?" he said.  
  
"I couldn't sleep." She couldn't see him real well. He was hidden in the shadows that covered his bed.  
  
"Why are you awake?" Tonks asked.  
  
"I couldn't sleep either."  
  
Suddenly a light came on in the room. Remus had turned the bed side table lamp on.  
  
Tonks saw him sitting up, leaning his back against the head board. He was wearing a white T-shirt and grey pajama pants. The light casted shadows on his worn face, making him look gaunt.  
  
"Do you want to talk or something?" Remus asked.  
  
"Sure," said Tonks. She walked into his bedroom, stumbling a little.  
  
Remus moved over so she could sit down.  
  
When Tonks sat, her stomach started doing flip-flops.  
  
_I'm with Remus in his bed!_ her head screamed. But her face didn't show it. She just smiled and Remus smiled back.  
  
It was silent for a bit.  
  
"I was thinking," he said, "that kiss-"  
  
"Yes?" Tonks said quickly.  
  
"-didn't mean anything, you know. It was for certain purposes. Strictly professional."  
  
"Right." Tonks looked down. "I know."  
  
"I just don't want you to think differently. I don't want to screw things up.  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If you thought that it meant something, then you might start thinking differently. You know, start having feelings or something. I don't know if we can do that."  
  
Tonks hesitated before she spoke again.  
  
"You make it sound like it's a bad thing to be having feelings for each other," she said, looking into his soft honey eyes. She could get lost in those eyes forever.  
  
"It's not," said Remus softly. "It's just that...." His voice faded away as he slowly leaned forward. Tonks closed her eyes, waiting.  
  
She felt his lips brush against hers. But instead of kissing her, he moved his lips across her cheek to her ear. She could feel his warm breath on her neck.  
  
"We can't," Remus whispered.  
  
Tonks pulled away from him. She felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. She was broken. The man she loved told her they shouldn't be together. If only he knew how she felt.  
  
"I have to go," said Tonks getting up. She could feel tears running down her face.  
  
"What's the matter?" said Remus.  
  
"Nothing. I just need to go."  
  
She left his room and went back to her own. She layed in bed, crying silently into her pillow. She felt stupid for falling for Remus. Why did she have to?  
  
_It's hard not to_, she thought.  
  
Her crying started to settled down until she finally fell asleep.

**A/N:** See what I mean by it going too fast? This wasn't supposed to happen in the 3rd chapter. But I made it long and I hope it goes well. Enjoy!


	4. Confused

**A/N:** Thanks once again for your reviews! Sorry it's been awhile since I last updated, but school's coming up and I'm busy.

**Disclaimer:** Again, don't own. (Sob!)

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Tonks woke up the next morning feeling groggy. She groaned and rolled over. She tried to recall the previous night and what had happened. She remembered Remus kissing her during their mission and then telling her they shouldn't have feelings for each other.  
  
"What am I supposed to do?" she said aloud as hot tears rolled down her face.  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Tonks? Are you awake?" Molly said. She opened the door and saw Tonks crying.  
  
"Oh Tonks," said Molly walking in. "What's wrong."  
  
Tonks sat up as Molly sat down next to her on the bed.  
  
"It's nothing, Molly," she said, wiping her eyes.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Tonks, something has to be wrong. Will you please tell me? Maybe I can help." Molly reached up and brushed some of the dark brown hair out of Tonks' face as more tears splashed down her cheeks.  
  
"Oh Molly, why does everything have to be so difficult?" Tonks sobbed. Molly put her arm around her and held her close.  
  
"Shshsh," Molly soothed. "What do you mean, dear?"  
  
Tonks turned her teary eyes onto Molly.  
  
"I'm in love, Molly. I'm in love with the most wonderful man in the whole world. But he doesn't love me back."  
  
"Does he know that you love him?" Molly asked.  
  
"No, I don't think so," said Tonks.  
  
"Maybe you should talk to him."  
  
"I did," said Tonks, "last night. But he doesn't love me."  
  
"Well, maybe you should tell him how you feel," said Molly. "He might be scared to admit it and if you tell him, then he'll tell you how he feels."  
  
"I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me," Tonks said.  
  
"You never know until you try," Molly said, looking at Tonks. "At least then he'll know."  
  
"Maybe," Tonks whispered.  
  
"So who is this wonderful man you love so much?" said Molly with a hint of laughter in her voice.  
  
Tonks hesitated before she spoke.  
  
"Remus."  
  
Molly smiled. "I should have known."  
  
Tonks looked at her startled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You two are clearly made for each other. It's obvious."  
  
"What do you mean it's obvious?" said Tonks.  
  
"They way you two look at each other, act around each other, and talk to each other. It's kind of hard to miss it."  
  
She smiled again.  
  
"You mean Remus likes me too?" Tonks asked looking confused.  
  
Molly nodded. "It looks like it. I can tell these things. It's like a gift."  
  
Tonks let out a choked laugh.  
  
"Just talk to him, dear. If I know Remus, he'll listen and consider all of your feelings."  
  
Tonks smiled. She felt better. Talking to Molly always had some kind of effect on everyone. She was like the mother of the house.  
  
Just then a voice was heard by the door.  
  
"Am I interupting anything?"  
  
Tonks looked up and saw Remus. Her heart jumped.  
  
"Hello, Remus," said Molly. "No, you're not interupting. Tonks and I were just talking."  
  
Remus stepped inside. "What's wrong?" He noticed her tear strained face.  
  
"Remus, why don't you talk to Tonks and I'll go down stairs. Breakfast is ready."  
  
Molly got up. She walked to the door and turned around.  
  
"Don't come down until it's sorted out, ok Tonks?" she said.  
  
Tonks nodded and Molly left, closing the door behind her. Remus looked at Tonks.  
  
"What's going on? Why are you crying?"  
  
"It's nothing," she said shaking her head. Remus sat down next to her on the bed.  
  
"Please tell me," he said. He put a hand on her knee, making a shiver run up her spine.  
  
"I'm just, well, having guy problems, I guess you could say." She smiled slightly.  
  
"Ok," said Remus. "Can you tell me what the problem is?"  
  
"Well, I really like this guy, but he doesn't like me back. I don't know what to do." Tonks was hoping Remus wouldn't figure out she was talking about him.  
  
"Have you tried talking to him?" he asked.  
  
"Not about that," she said. "But we were talking and he said he didn't like me."  
  
"Well, let's go have some of Molly's wonderful breakfast and continue this later," Remus said, standing up.  
  
He helped Tonks stand and she followed him to the door.  
  
"I really think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel," said Remus opening the door.  
  
"I just did," said Tonks. She held her breath. Did she just say that? She waited for him to react.  
  
Remus stopped and turned to her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I-I just now talked to him." Tonks bit her bottom lip.  
  
She stared into his eyes. The honey color mesmerized her. Remus looked at her, lost for words.  
  
Tonks thought he was going to leave, but instead he shut the door, leaving them together separated from the rest of the world.

"What are you saying?" asked Remus.  
  
"Oh Remus, how many times must I say it?" Tonks said irritably. "I said that I just talked to him. Him being you."  
  
"Him is me?" said Remus. "I'm him?"  
  
"Yes, him is you. You are him."  
  
"I'm him?"  
  
"Yes Remus!" said Tonks loudly. "You are him! You are the guy that I think is the most wonderful guy in the world! The guy I like, maybe even love."  
  
She paused. "The guy that doesn't love me."  
  
Remus didn't say anything. He walked up to her.  
  
"You think I don't love you?" he said.  
  
"Well, yeah," she said looking up at him. "You said last night that we shouldn't have feelings for each other."  
  
"Oh Tonks," said Remus, "that doesn't mean that I don't love you."  
  
Tonks stared. Did she just hear what she thought she heard?  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked.  
  
Remus sighed and walked over to the bed. He sat and looked up at Tonks.  
  
"Not long after I first met you, I realized that I had feelings for you. I kept telling myself to act upon those feelings, but I never got the courage to do it. Then Sirius died and I realized how hard that was for me. I started thinking and told myself to rid those feelings I had for you."  
  
Tonks looked at him. She felt happy and confused at the same time. She sat on the bed next to him.  
  
"Why did you want to rid the feelings?" she asked. Remus looked at her.  
  
"I can't love you," he said. Tonks saw pain in his eyes.  
  
"Why-"  
  
"I can't, ok," Remus said, cutting her off.  
  
Tonks felt hurt. She was so confused. He had feelings for her, yet he couldn't love her? It didn't make any sence.  
  
She reached up and stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers. She felt his hand on her leg again. They were close.  
  
Tonks leaned in slowly and pressed her lips softly against his. They were so warm. She moved her hand to the back of his head, pulling him forward.  
  
To her amazement, Remus moved his hand up her leg and started kissing her back. He put an arm around her and pulled her closer.  
  
Tonks wished they could stay that way forever. But just then, Remus pulled away.  
  
"Nymph," he whispered.  
  
Tonks opened her eyes and looked up at him.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"This can't happen," he said. "I'm sorry."  
  
He stood up and walked towards the door. Tonks stood up as well, looking confused.  
  
"Remus, I don't understand."  
  
"Nymph, I don't want you to get involved. It's better this way."  
  
He opened the door and walked out, leaving a very confused Tonks still standing, wondering what was going on.


	5. Time in the Library

**A/N:** Thanks again for the reviews! 

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own 

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After Tonks got dressed and fixed her features (green spikey hair with pale green eyes) she went down stairs for breakfast. She saw Molly putting food on the table when she entered the kitchen. Kingsley, Remus, Bill, Charlie, and the twins were already at at the table.  
  
"Where's everyone else?" Tonks asked as she looked around.  
  
"Order duty," said Charlie. "They should be back sometime this afternoon."  
  
"Oh," said Tonks.  
  
She went around the table and sat next to Bill, who was across from Remus.  
  
Remus looked at her when she sat but looked away when he noticed her looking at him.  
  
Breakfast was the usual routine. Fred and George would do something that would upset Molly and Molly would get after them. Everyone was quite used to this by now.  
  
After breakfast, Tonks helped Molly wash the dishes.  
  
"So how did things go with you and Remus?" Molly asked. "You two weren't sitting by each other at breakfast so I didn't know if anything happened."  
  
"Oh, something happened," said Tonks.  
  
"Do tell!" Molly said excitedly.  
  
"Well not all of it was good. He told me he had feelings for me ever since we first met."  
  
"That's great!" said Molly.  
  
"Not really," Tonks continued. "Then he said he can't love me and that I shouldn't get involved. Whatever that means."  
  
"I don't know what he means either," said Molly, passing a plate to Tonks for her to dry. "Did anything else happen?"  
  
Tonks felt a grin creep across her face.  
  
"We kissed."  
  
"That's so wonderful, dear!" Molly said. "Oh I feel like a school girl again! How was it?"  
  
Tonks sighed as she recalled it.  
  
"It was indescribable. He has the softest lips ever, and he's a great kisser."  
  
Molly smiled as she watched Tonks stare dreamily out the window.  
  
"But it can't happen," Tonks whispered.  
  
Molly frowned.  
  
"I'm sure it will happen, dear. Just give it time. It has to happen."  
  
Tonks looked at her and her lips curved into a smile.  
  
"I hope you're right." 

That afternoon, Tonks went walking around the house and found herself in the library. No one was in there so she walked through the rows of bookshelves, glancing at all the different titles of books.  
  
She never realized how many books there actually were at 12 Grimmauld Place.  
  
_It's like Remus' place of worship_, she thought with a smile.  
  
She walked back out of the rows and over to the couch where she saw someone sitting. It was Remus. He was reading one of his books again.  
  
Tonks started to leave when Remus looked up and saw her. Their eyes met.  
  
"I didn't know anyone was in here," he said.  
  
"It's ok," said Tonks. "I was just leaving."  
  
She turned to go.  
  
"Wait, Nymph," Remus called.  
  
Tonks stopped and turned.  
  
"Why don't you stay. You don't have to leave just because I'm in here."  
  
Tonks smiled slightly and walked over to the couch. She sat next to him.  
  
"So what are you doing wondering around in a library?" Remus asked. "It's not really a place someone would find you in."  
  
"I was just bored," said Tonks. "My head hurts a little too."  
  
"Why don't you lay down and rest," he said.  
  
Tonks looked at him and smiled. She turned and leaned back, resting her head on Remus' lap. She felt so comfortable that she changed her hair to a deep velvet red that flowed long.  
  
Remus smiled down at her. "Better?"  
  
Tonks smiled as well. "Much."  
  
Remus began reading again as Tonks layed there. She could feel his slender fingers run through the strands of her hair. She sighed contently as Remus continued playing with her hair.  
  
Suddenly a thought occurred to her. She knew she had to keep asking him, try to get it out of him.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
Tonks paused.  
  
"Why can't you love me?"  
  
Remus stopped what he was doing and looked down at her.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
Tonks sat up and scooted back, sitting on his lap.  
  
"Don't be stupid," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You know exactly what I mean. Tell me the truth."  
  
Remus sighed and set his book down. He wrapped his arms around Tonks' middle and looked at her.  
  
"I can't," he said softly.  
  
"Why can't you?" she said. "You must have a reason for not loving me."  
  
"No, Nymph, I do love you." Remus took one of her hands off from around his neck and held it. "I do, but I shouldn't. It's complicated."  
  
"But why can't you just tell me?" She could see the sorrow in his eyes again.  
  
"It's too hard," he whispered.  
  
Tonks leaned in close and kissed him on the cheek. She lingered there closely where she could smell his scent.  
  
"I love you, Remus, and I know you love me too," she whispered. "Why can't we be together?"  
  
Remus put a hand on her face and guided her over to his lips. She could feel the familiarity as they pressed together.  
  
One of his hands found the back of her head and he pulled her closer.  
  
Tonks didn't want to pull away. This was how it should be. This was what they both wanted, yet something was keeping it from happening.  
  
At that moment Tonks didn't care what it was. All she wanted was to stay in Remus' arms and have his tongue be doing what it was doing now in her mouth.  
  
_Molly was right_, she thought as his kisses moved to her neck. _Remus and I are made for each other_.


	6. The Reason

**A/N:** I'm really sorry that it's been forever! I started school and I have alot of things going on. But now I can finally update!

**Disclaimer:** Wish I owned, but sadly I don't.

It was late afternoon when Tonks woke up. She found herself in Remus' lap on the couch. Her head was on his shoulder and her arms were drapped around his neck. She tried moving but his arms were still around her, keeping her close to him.  
  
Tonks raised her head and looked at him. Remus was asleep with his head thrown back on the couch and his mouth slightly open, snoring quietly.  
  
Tonks smiled. She layed her head back down on his shoulder and started playing with his hair. She thought about their kiss a few hours ago. He did love her, she thought. But he said that he couldn't.  
  
_I wish I knew what Remus' problem is_, Tonks thought to herself. She really wanted to be with him, but didn't know what was keeping them apart.  
  
Remus started to stir. Tonks took her head off his shoulder as his eyes fluttered open. He turned to look at her. His face was worn and he looked much older.  
  
Tonks smiled.  
  
"Good afternoon sunshine," she said.  
  
Remus smiled and stretched.  
  
"Good afternoon," he said once he relaxed.  
  
"I didn't realize we fell asleep," said Tonks. "I don't really remember."  
  
"Me neither," said Remus. He looked around. "What time is it?"  
  
Tonks looked up at the mantlepiece above the fireplace. The clock said five.  
  
"It's five o'clock," she said looking back at him. He smiled and reached up to touch her face. But before his fingers got to her, he pulled back, like on second thought.  
  
Tonks sighed.  
  
"Remus, I really wish you could just tell me what's going on," she said.  
  
Remus didn't say anything. He turned and looked out the window. The sky was grey and rain was starting to patter against the window. He turned back to Tonks.  
  
"I don't know," he said. Tonks sighed angerly. She got off of him and stood up.  
  
"Why not?" Tonks said loudly. "What's the big deal?"  
  
"Nymph, please," Remus said standing up.  
  
He walked over to her and held her face in his hands. Tonks sighed again.  
  
"It's just-we love each other," she said looking up into his soft eyes. "I want to be with you, but I want you to be honest with me."  
  
Remus' face was forelorn again. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Tonks felt a tear run down her cheek.  
  
_Why do I have to get so emotional?_ she thought.  
  
Remus pulled her close to him and rested his head on hers. Tonks wrapped her arms around him, taking in everything he had.  
  
They stood there for a moment, Remus running his fingers through her deep crimson locks and Tonks breathing him in. The only sound heard was the rain pounding against the window. A storm was coming.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you," Remus whispered, breaking the silence.  
  
Tonks looked up at him. Remus saw the tears rolling down her face. He made to wipe them away, but Tonks slapped his hand back. He looked at her in surprise.  
  
"You already have," she whispered, her chocolate eyes glistening.  
  
She pushed away from him angerly and stormed towards the door. Remus tried grabbing her, but missed.  
  
"Nymph, wait!" he called as he followed.  
  
Tonks started to run through the house. She could hear Remus running behind her, calling to her and telling her to stop. She didn't listen. She wanted to get out.  
  
Tonks made it to the front door and pulled it open.  
  
"Wait! Don't go!" Remus yelled.  
  
Just then Mrs. Black's portrait woke up and started screaming things about half breeds. But Tonks ran outside into the rain, not bothering to know who would close her curtains.  
  
She ran down the steps and tripped. She fell face first into a large water puddle. Tonks cried out in surprise. The rain was puring down even harder. Thunder rattled the sky.  
  
Tonks managed to get up, soaked. She walked fast down the street.

"Nymph! Please wait!"  
  
Tonks heard Remus still yelling after her. She kept walking but turned her head so she could speak.  
  
"Go away, Remus! Leave me alone!" Tonks had to shout over the thunder and lightning. She kept on walking.  
  
"Where do you think you're going out in the rain?" Remus yelled.  
  
"I'm going home, to my house," Tonks shouted, trying to make herself heard.  
  
"Why don't you just Apparate?" he shouted. "You're a witch!"  
  
Tonks stopped walking and turned around. Remus was standing there not too far off, soaked to the bone. His hair was plastered to his head from the rain.  
  
"Would you please stop stating the obvious!" Tonks shouted.  
  
She sould see Remus smirk a little. It made her even more angrier. She turned around and started walking again.  
  
"Nymph, stop! Can't we just talk about this?"  
  
Tonks stopped walking again and turned back around.  
  
"There's no reason to talk about anything!" she yelled. "You say you can't love me and the reason being I'll never know! I wish you could just stop this and tell me the truth! Do you really expect me to live the rest of my life loving you but wondering why I couldn't be with you?"  
  
Remus didn't say anything. He stood there as the rain poured on both of them.  
  
"If you don't tell me then that's what's going to happen!"  
  
Remus was still silent. Tonks felt tears splash down her face along with the rain. She turned again and started to walk off.  
  
"It's because I'm a werewolf!" Remus shouted.  
  
Tonks stopped and turned around.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The reason," Remus said loudly, "is because I'm a werewolf."  
  
"I know that you're a werewolf, Remus!" Tonks said loudly over the thunder.  
  
"No, you don't understand," said Remus shaking his head.  
  
"What don't I understand?"  
  
Remus sighed.  
  
"I change into a monster once a month," he said. "That's twelve times a year. Do you really want to live with that the rest of your life?"  
  
Tonks took a few steps towards him.  
  
"Remus, I fell in love with you knowing all of this. I don't care about it. So what? I love you because of you!  
  
"What if I forget to take my potion?" Remus said, walking forward as well. "It's happened before. What if I hurt you, or worse?"  
  
"Do you really think I'd let you forget?" said Tonks.  
  
Remus paused for a moment before he spoke again.  
  
"I'm really poor, Nymph. I wouldn't be able to support you."  
  
"Remus, I make enough money at my job," Tonks yelled as a clap of thunder sounded.  
  
"But what if we have children?" Remus shouted. "They're really expensive and-"  
  
"Are you trying to think of excuses not to be with me, Remus John Lupin?" shouted Tonks over another roll of thunder.  
  
Remus smiled slightly. There was a pause.  
  
"Was that all?" said Tonks. "Were those the reasons why?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"Yeah," he said, barely audiable. He looked down at the ground.  
  
"So what now?" said Tonks. "Can we, you know, be together?"  
  
There was another pause before Remus looked up. But this time she didn't see sorrow on his face. Instead, there was a sort of warmth, a glow. He had that charm to him again. He smiled, making Tonks' beat against her rib cage.  
  
She forgot all about leaving and the fact that they were out in the middle of a storm.  
  
Instead of walking, Tonks ran to Remus and jumped into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Remus wrapped his arms around her to keep her from falling.  
  
"I love you, Remus Lupin," said Tonks as she put a hand on his wet face, pushing back his hair.  
  
"I love you too, Nymphadora Tonks," Remus said as he held her tighter.  
  
Tonks leaned in and their lips met. She knew this time it wouldn't be followed with the question 'Why can't you love me?'.  
  
She pulled away and looked into his eyes. She smiled and rested her forehead on his. Remus smiled back.  
  
"We should go inside and dry off," he said.  
  
Tonks nodded and kissed him again.  
  
Remus swung her legs around to where he was holding her like a baby and walked off towards the house. Tonks opened the door for him and with one last clap of thunder, they went inside.

**A/N:** Must I tell you what to do now? ;-D


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